Love and forgiveness cannot be separated. To truly love, you must forgive. To truly forgive, you must love. Forgive and move forward to a life of true love.
During this journey, i have taken a crash course in this love and forgiveness and i have to say that the hardest thing to do was love and forgive myself. It was easy for me to love and forgive others, so I thought, until I started on this journey of recovery.
I hated the person that i had become. I hated the things that I had done to my family, my friends, to employers, to everyone who crossed my path. I would feel so ashamed and hurt by these things but i would push it all back into a safe place which I have now learned wasn’t such a safe place. I hated myself for the damage that I caused in my wake. My life was like a hurricane, when I was full force, I destroyed everything in my path and I really didn’t care that I did. I drank myself into an oblivion so I would not have to deal with any feelings or consequences. So I guess you can fairly say that I did not love myself or anyone else.
Now that I am focused on recovery and changing the behaviors, i have come to this realization that I have to love and forgive myself. I never thought that day would come that I could honestly say that I did. In the beginning of my recovery, I did not see it. And through working honestly for the first time in my life, a program that shows me how I am supposed to love my life, I am truly amazed at the transformation. It has not been too long that I have been in recovery but the changes are already taking place. I am no longer afraid of many things that used to scare me. I have learned to love me for me. And because I am taking this path in my journey, I can now love other people and forgive them when I feel that they have wronged me. I no longer keep it pushed away in that “not so safe place”. I talk about my feelings and even though times i am angry, i can look at my part in that equation and move forward. I know that I will never be perfect, (darn it) and I know that it is a constant, everyday way of life, this living in the solution, rather that the problem. I am making progress.
In order for us to forgive, there has to be love.